Amritsar 1983

Images of India float around the web. They bring up a lot of conflicting feelings. There we are smiling for the camera. Smiling for our parents back home, not yet knowing how disassociated we would become from them. It’s taken a long to time to have a parent/child relationship again – but now we’re adults, …

Agoraphobia

Black Friday. In the wee hours of the morning after Thanksgiving day, throngs, hoards and mobs of people storm the doors of big box stores all over America. Today at a Walmart in Long Island, these “shoppers” trampled a worker TO DEATH. Read the article here and be prepared to be utterly disgusted with humanity. …

Halloween, 1984

It’s hard to realize or even be aware of congruent events in one’s life until hindsight makes them clear. One of the things that I can recall about being a child in 3HO was this feeling of foggy confusion around what grown-ups were doing and discussing, and around big international events that seemed to be …

GNFC circa 1983

Posing for group photos was agonizing! It always took the photographer forever to set up, and right when he’d get ready he’d say “Ready… Steady… …no hold on…” It was hot, we had be dressed in “bana”, but usually by the time a couple of frames were shot half of us were too loopy to …

The “guides”

Nanak Dev Singh wasn’t the only adult in India to inflict abuses on us children. The list of “guides” is long and exhausting, each person accountable for some loathsome memory of mine, be it neglect, indifference, public humiliation, emotional abuse or coercive tactics. I’ve spent many sessions with my family recounting the rediculous and immature …

on forgiveness…

Forgiveness, I am told, is an important part in healing, letting go and moving on. But I don’t think it’s fair to be “expected” to forgive when the individual perpetrators have not been available to take responsibility for their actions upon children. None of us know what currently goes on in the minds of the …

Nanak Dev Singh

The winter of 1984 was particularly hard. Most children spent the winter break at Rishikesh in a dorm-style bungalow. The American Sikh converts who were appointed to live with us in India were referred to as “Singh-Sahib” (for the men) or “Bhenji”(for the ladies). These were “the guides”. The guides had little to no experience …

GNFC

Being at a boarding school at such a young age was not easy, although it was at times fun. It did get more nerve-wracking the older I got, and the more independent I became, which I think was a sign that I was healthier than I thought, and ready to live my own life. Every …

about

I was born and raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma, a religion that I now know to be a cult. I left at 18 to live my life as I saw fit. After many years of not being able to shake the early childhood and India memories I am here to share my experiences and my …