on forgiveness…

Forgiveness, I am told, is an important part in healing, letting go and moving on. But I don’t think it’s fair to be “expected” to forgive when the individual perpetrators have not been available to take responsibility for their actions upon children. None of us know what currently goes on in the minds of the adults who treated us poorly, neglected us, or abused us. How can I possibly begin to presume that they feel any sense of personal responsibility?

I do know that Nanak Dev Singh does not. He’s off in Germany attempting to lead his own little “gatka” cult. In this way, I presume his Euro followers are not aware that he used to beat up on kids and that if they found out they would not follow him or take his classes. Since Yogi Bhajan’s death many members of 3HO (the ones who considered themselves part of his elite inner circle) are going off to new “frontiers” and gathering new followers. Maybe, just maybe, Americans are starting to wise up to all this cult shit, seeing that many yoga teachers are nothing but a bunch of hypocritical phonies who just want to fuck their students and preach about a “lifestyle” they know nothing about. Alot of people take yoga not to be inundated with religious dogma, yet find themselves in that inevitable situation.

I know I have experienced that even outside of the 3HO community. Almost every yoga class I’ve been to has some form of preachy-culty-dogma attached.

…Oh wait I was supposed to be talking about forgiveness. The whole roundabout discussion is just a window into the human condition: people will continue to exploit people and children. It does not make me any “better” a person to forgive abhorrent behavior. Forgiveness is only possible when it’s a two-way street, so in no way do I feel that I owe it to myself to forgive some bastard for being abusive. I feel there are better ways to move on.

7 Replies to “on forgiveness…”

  1. Not being a “2nd generation”, I have not commented, but I was a first generation adult who btw left when my kids got old enough to be abused.

    This is what I wanted to comment on: “Since Yogi Bhajan’s death many members of 3HO (the ones who considered themselves part of his elite inner circle) are going off to new “frontiers” and gathering new followers.”

    Bhajan kept a tight lid on who represented him and how. Now that he’s gone, it is easier to carve out a piece of one’s own. I do think it’s pathetic though, for an adult to have devoted so much of their life to this User, that in their old age, this is their last way to make the money they never put away in their life times.

  2. I feel compelled at times to forgive those who hurt me, but everytime I think of forgiving, I have to stop myself because I know that those people have never given me or what they did to me a second thought.
    I once ran into one of these people years later and she actually tried to hug me as if we were friends—wtf? they are really that fucked to think that all’s fine now.
    I don’t think so, bitch!
    I won’t forgive unless I get an apology–which I know will never happen. So, I’ll simply continue to try as best I can to keep those people out of my thoughts and out of my life. They don’t deserve forgiveness in my opinion.
    And the same goes for any parent who has not had to wherewhithal to learn all about the true ordeals that their children endured while in the custody of virtual strangers. Find out what your kids really are dealing with even now and fucking apologize to them over and over and over again. Stop making excuses for your involvement–you all chose to ignore the truth and if you can’t make up for it now, you too don’t deserve to be forgiven.

  3. no forgiving….it’s not deserved. I actually attempted to confront Nanak Dev directly after I had made a clear separation fro myself from the cult, to no avail. I tracked down his phone number (he was is Arizona at the time), I called him up, and I talked to him. I asked him directly why it was OK with him to hit us and harm us and abuse us the way that he did. I did this because I was sick and tired of the intrusive memories busting into my life, the successful and positive life I was building. He was such a wimpy weakling, he made numerous excuses for himself. He underscored the fact that his behavior was not his fault. He did not apologize. Prior to that, if I thought about him or saw him, I was still racked with fear, I would shake and become disoriented. After that conversation, I was able to diminish his hold because I saw him as a little man, a looser with nothing to offer the world. His life is a shambles, and that’s pretty good punishment for his actions. However, I still wish he (and all the others) could be held accountable, I wish that in the few instances where he pulled off his abusive behavior in the US, he had been charged and sent to jail. It’s no accident that he perpetrated all of this upon us in a place that he couldn’t and wouldn’t be held accountable.

  4. Strange story.
    I was in the parking lot of a hospital, getting something out of our car that my wife at the time wanted. She was in the delivery room waiting to be induced to give birth to our first child.
    My mother calls me on my cell phone and told me that one of the girls who was at GNFC told her, "the kids should go to hell for what they put your son through in India".
    I had never told her anything that happened there and I still have not. I did reassure her that there was no sexual abuse. She did apologize profusely.
    I answered by telling her that there was nothing to apologize for. I knew then and I know now that she was doing what she thought was best for me at the time. She was a single mother and worked her butt off to send me there, working 2 jobs and doing work on the side to make ends meet.
    I've forgiven the people who hurt me there, not to them because I hope I never see any of them again, but in my head and heart.
    Not for them, obviously, but for myself. I don't want that hate anymore. I don't want the nightmares anymore.
    Just remember, forgiveness isn't just for them.

  5. @Anonymous: Thank you for your comment – it is true that forgiveness is often for our own sake.

    It's possible that what many of us want is reconciliation, and accountability before we can forgive. But with little hope or chance for reconciliation or accountability, what's the next option? Maybe to do what is necessary to live a healthy and productive life – which may include some forgiveness in our minds – if that's what helps us sleep at night, by all means, it is important.

  6. I am the sister of a 3HO member and the aunt to her daughter, who left 3HO at age 18. My sister remains a first generation devotee, since 1970. My heart broke when she joined, as I lost my only sister and sibling. Thereafter, I was shunned for decades. The relationship remains painful and my heart remains broken. Her lovely daughter, my neice, had the fortitude, common sense, and intelligence to leave 3HO, obtained an education, and has a successful career. However, due to the fact that she never knew me during her growing years, we never developed a bond; and though I sought her out and attempted to build a relationship, she remains distant. I don't think she trusts and I sense she has deep emotional scars. I love her dearly and I wish to know her, but have never felt welcomed into her life. I have a question if anyone cares to answer. Was/is it common for first generation 3HO members to abandon their birth family or was this just my sister's choice?

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